You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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