Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
