I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Randomize
