I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
