I accidentally had phone sex last night
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
soo... how was my night?
Randomize