gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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