Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
