You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize