Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
