Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
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