Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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