This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
