..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
