So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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