Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
