I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
porn star boner night. come get it.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
