if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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