Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
only you would photoshop your dick
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
