hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
