I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
ugly people sure do ruin things
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
