I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
