I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
