When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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