He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
