Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
