She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
