Tell her she can't have a vagina
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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