Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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