3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
