Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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