The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
