He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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