I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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