hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
