people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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