She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
