So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize