Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
