i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Randomize
