I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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