Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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