i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
