we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
