This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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