Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
