3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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