I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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