So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
what day is it and did you see me today?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
