There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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