i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I love you. Go after that dick
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
