Don't make out with my wife yet
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
