I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
