I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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