I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
