we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
pray to the hookup gods
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
