Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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