I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
