If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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