There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
