I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
