this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
