It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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