Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
