I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
