My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
birth control should be required to get into college
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
