so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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