A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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