I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize