i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
