you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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