I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
