i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
